Friday, February 4, 2011

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

34 weeks?!?! Only 6 left to go??

Wow, this is really going to happen. Somehow I haven't been able to get past the fact that this belly is actually going to produce another little life. It feels strange, surreal almost.

I feel like a bad mommy already. I haven't really connected with this little one yet, half the time I forget I'm even pregnant (or I would if not for the sleepiness and back pain).

This hasn't been a "hard" pregnancy by any means, but it certainly hasn't been the most enjoyable. The hormones have been on high the whole time, and the energy has been way way way down on low. Maybe the three other little munchkins I'm chasing around have something to do with it, maybe this is normal for moms with lots of kiddos, maybe the fact that I was pregnant through the dreary fall and winter months...ah a spring baby. Should be an interesting change. I know I want this baby, I know I'll love this baby. Maybe it's just having two so close in age that's making it seem so unreal. Baby Pash will only be 16 or 17 months old when this little bundle arrives. It's so funny how truly different every pregnancy and ever child is. Who would have ever thought I'd be here, pregnant with #4.
Did I ever picture myself with 4 little ones of my own? Well...ya I guess I did...at one point when I was 8 or so....Oh how the years change you. Funny how I went from wanting a definite 4 (1 older girl, then twins, a girl and a boy, and then finishing up with another little boy) how specific I was, then being a teenager that swore she would never marry or have children but would move to the big city and have a lucrative career in fashion or advertising.

Then to a young 19 year old girl who had her whole world suddenly changed in an instant by 2 little lines. Maybe kids weren't so bad, maybe this falling head over heels in love with my little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me, maybe this is what I've wanted all along.

Now 3 of my own, a stepdaughter and 1 more little bundle on the way. I can finally say with certainty I have no idea how many children I'll have, who can begin to guess all that God has in store for them.

Each child is a blessing, so unique, so wonderfully created. I can't wait to meet this next wonderful creation He has blessed and entrusted us with.


Psalm 139:13-16
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

2 comments:

  1. you look amazing, just a couple more weeks to go :-)

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  2. Cute blog! What a blessing children are. :)

    ReplyDelete