6 weeks and 2 days!!! That's how long I have left before I am officially a mommy of one more. I was so anxious about getting everything done for so many months, and it never seemed to get closer to being finished. All that work, and still so much to do, and now I'm burnt out. My body is telling me to rest in preparation for the big day, and probably for the next 18 years, and honestly, I'm at a point where I'm more than happy to oblige. I'm starting to not feel guilty about resting, as I know very shortly that won't be an option, and the fact that the baby room isn't ready and I barely have any clothes or enough diapers for the little one doesn't seem to be bothering me as much anymore.
Because my mind is finally a little more unfocused on this it is leaving room for focusing on other things. Unfortunately not all good things. I'm focused on the increasing pain in my growing body. On the decreasing income, and increasing debt of our family (something we have started taking steps to really change, thank goodness!!).
I seem to be seeing a lot of little things I didn't before, many I should be feeling good about, but I can't help but feel like our family is under attack. There is an uneasy feeling that I can't put my finger on. If I could see it's source I could try to change it, but I don't know where it's seeping in.
I am still focusing on the positive (really I am) and can see the wonderful things happening in our life, but there is a darkness somewhere clouding it all and I don't know where it is or how to get rid of it. I do know one thing. It means I need to pray more. I know God will show me the source of this uneasiness, I know everything will be taken care of, and that he will protect us, and I also know I need to refocus on Him once again.
I hope our family can remain aware of this and stand strong and not let it creep further in to a point that it hurts us. Maybe it's because there are good things happening and changing in our life, I pray that's the case, but I refuse to stand by and let it take hold of my family.
I am so happy for the change and joy God is bringing into our home with the soon to be new baby, and hope for a better future.